As I said in my last post... I have been reading the conference issue of the Ensign. Just a quick update... yup, I'm still pregnant. The short of it is the baby's heart is doing well so they want to keep her in as long as possible. My body has been through a lot with this baby, not to go into too much detail but let's just say I was done a few weeks ago when they first decided to put me on bedrest. Since then I have become increasingly discouraged as to why she just doesn't come or why they doctor hasn't taken her yet. My biggest fear in becoming discouraged has been that the baby will feel the discouragement and that she will feel that we don't want her or don't love her. That was my biggest fear with Easton at the very end when my body was hurting so bad and I just wanted him out. I have faith that this baby knows I love her and want her here in our family and I think that she knows how much her mother is going through so that she can have life and be born. So on to my "Ah Ha" moment.
I was reading Elder Kevin W. Pearson's talk Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And it reminded me of the book "The Secret" only from a Gospel perspective. Those who have read this book and then read his talk will understand. First off we are commanded that we (as parents) must teach our children to understand the doctorine... of faith in Christ. I had to stop and think am I teaching my children about having faith through this pregnancy? I am teaching them to endure to the end? Am I teaching them to trust in the Lord? "Faith requires an attitude of exact obedience, even in small and simple things." Although this pregnancy doesn't feel small or simple to me am I still obeying the commandments and teachings of our Savior and Prophets? This time of being on bedrest has given me a chance to think about a lot of these things. How am I teaching my children? Am I living righteously enough to set a good example? (by this I'm not meaning am I perfect) Do I show them I love them enough? Do I tell them every day that I love them and praise them for the good things they do and discipline with love where needed? Elder Pearson goes on to say "Personal righteousness is a choice." I love that. It's our choice whether or not we choose light or darkness! Now on to the part that stuck me as part of "The Secret"
Elder Pearson quotes a scripture from March 9:22-24. "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." "Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other." and one more.... "Consider it this way: our net usable faith is what we have left to exercise after we subtract our sources of doubt and disbelief. .... Is my own net faith positive or negative? If your faith exceeds your doubt and disbelief, the answer is likely positive. If you allow doubt and disbelief to control you, the answer might be negative. We do have the choice. We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that errode our faith." All of these quotes from his talk combined just go to show that when we have faith and when we believe that positive things will come. Some take more time than others but that is where faith comes in. And here these last few weeks I thought it was patience Heavenly Father was trying to teach me when really it is to have unwaivering faith. Elder Pearson meantioned 6 destructive D's doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience and disbelief. Then at the very end of his talk he states a promise from the Savior : "if ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me." What a cool talk.