Sunday, November 2, 2008

Mountains and A Grain of Sand

I was listening to a song the other day on the radio and the words caught my attention. I often go through life, as I think we all do, rushing about trying to get our "to do" lists done. Making sure that everything in the house is spotless, the kids are fed and off to school or home from school and then it's off to work, home from work and put the kids in bed while packing lunches, reading scriptures and saying prayers. There's quite a few more activities packed in just one day but for the sake of carpel tunnel I'll just assume you get it. Sometimes I worry about all the wrong things. Or I get so caught up in a certain situation that may be going on in my life at the time that it completely consumes and swallows me whole. This is where I tend to forget important things. Sometimes this mountain that we are climbing seems so all encompassing and when we get finally "get over it" and look back it's actually just a grain of sand blowing away in the wind. But what is left behind can sometimes be a hole as big as a mountain.

These past several months I have really learned a lot about myself and patience and that even though there is some horrible thing happening right now... down the road it's going to seem so insignificant in relationship to what we could have focused on or where we are going. Sometimes I find myself being upset with a situation at work or with friends or extended family and I beat it to death in my mind and I pray about it over and over and over and over again until I think Heavenly Father wonders if I, Joleen, believes that He hears my prayers and in His time will answer them. I have to be patient and turn some things over to the Lord to finish taking care of in His time and in His way. But as I am thinking and beating it out trying to figure it out..... I'm missing out on opportunities I could be spending with my precious babies or my sweet husband or extended family.

So what I have learned is that trials will come and most of them are best handled head on and to do all I can do and then pray about it and talk to my Heavenly Father and leave the rest in his very willing and very capable hands. I am watching miracles happen in my life and my little families life at the moment and in due time I will share those with you. For now I will leave you with just a little taste of one such miracle. I miscarried another baby :( just a few weeks ago. While I am still a little tired and lacking a little energy I am feeling rather well. Jess and I thought that this time I would be able to carry the baby full term. Many don't realize just how many miscarriages I've had and when I tell them... people think I'm making it up. So it's huge for us to feel like this baby was it. Well we lost the baby but in all of my reflecting and reaching and praying and growing these past few months.... I was blessed with the knowledge that around this baby's due date there is something that will be going on in our lives that will make it much harder on us if I were to be pregnant or just have given birth. I think I know what will be going on in our lives but as I am not 100%sure I'm not ready to reveal our speculation.... but this I do know..... Miracles happen and I am so blessed.

--J

2 comments:

A couple of Pack's said...

Jolene, I'm so sorry for your loss. I appreciate your thoughts though and the insight you shared. I too have been going through my own trials and struggles, but through patience we can overcome them. As for the kitchen, it is coming along. Our finish date continues to be stretched out, but we are shooting for Christmas to be completely done with it. We thought that would be a great Christmas gift to ourselves.

Diamond in the Rough said...

I hope everything is going okay for you. Let me know if I can do anything. A finished Kitchen for Christmas sounds awesome.